Bangkok: A city immortalized and lionized, through travelogues and innumerable films. A capital described as a tropical splendor; an ageless Eden of warmth, smiles, and Thai hospitality. The city is the starting point for journeys to the wild north and the sand beaches of the south.

On holiday, or as a stop over during the Asian leg of a business trip, Bangkok can be worthwhile. While written about in majestic, flowery prose, it’s “not all that,” to use treet vernacular. If you venture forth from the airport there are a few interesting things to see and do in 12 hours.

Make your way to an airport exit. You transport options are plenty. Take the airport shuttle or taxi to the Khao San road area, Bangkok’s backpacker / alternative lifestyle center. Beware the friendly man that strikes up a conversation and offers you a taxi. His car is not a taxi, but a vehicle driven by a predator: The weary, fresh-off-the-boat arrival his prey and passenger. Many new arrivals have found themselves beguiled by his smile and charms only to arrive at their destination and pay a fare double of that of a standard taxi.

Khao San Road is the center of some people’s universe, a 24-hour, 365-day New Orleans-style Mardi Gras. Several hundred yards of open-air stalls hawk all things purported to be Thai (imported from China). If in need of T-Shirt, shorts, scarves, or hats, your empty wardrobe spots can be filled. Be sure to negotiate for a better price. Paying the first offer, after doing the mental arithmetic and realizing what a steal the item is in the coin of your native realm, only hurts your brethren that will follow you on this trail of decadence. Have your hair braided or teased into dreadlocks. Just because you’re visiting for 12 hours doesn’t mean you can’t get make an effort to assimilate. By a knit Rasta hat to go with your new coiffure.

Enjoy a drink with the friendly ladyboys at a street-side bar. Sit on a stool and partake of a cocktail, while the drunken multitudes surge by. Khao San Road starts during the late morning and closes up early the following morning. Most 12-hour visitors will have no problem in witnessing the tattooed and pierced mass of international youth living a hedonistic fantasy.

Bangkok is one of the largest markets for English-language books in Asia. Need to fill up your bookself, er.. suitcase with weighty tomes? Look no further than the Khao San area. Lonely Planets and Rough Guides are available in every state, mint to torn. Weighty volumes of Hardy, Camus, Theorux, and Neitchze are ready for purchase, traded by idealistic trekkers who dreamed of reading and reflecting in the Thai kingdom, before they discovered cheap beer and all-night parties.

After touring the area stop in a one of a hundred establishments offering Thai massage. There are no happy endings in this tourist haven, only deeply probing fingers, elbows and knees. Marvel at the easy at which a man or woman that weighs 100 pounds soaking wet can inflict such pain upon your body. After a long flight you owe yourself a masochistic pummeling.

From New Sodom, er… Khao San Road, head south to the Grand Palace. The revered Thai King isn’t in residence (he lives in Chitlada Palace, in the north of the city. Far away, from the foreign merry-makers.), the halls of the grand manse are used only on ceremonial occasions. Gentlemen: Make sure you’re wearing pants and a respectable shirt. No? You’re traveling in to torn shorts and a tank-top. Worry not, pants and shirts be borrowed just inside the main gate. Ladies: Skirts and shoulder coverings are available if your attire doesn’t make the grade.

Don’t talk to the helpful faux-tourist guides outside the palace. The palace is only open to Thais until 11 am, they will tell you. A man with an official looking ID around his neck has to be right, doesn’t he? Your new best friend will hustle you into a three-wheeled tuk tuk, which translated means: Rickety conveyance driven by a suicidal pirate. The driver will take over as your best friend and drive you to a site or two before dropping you off at tailors and jewelry stores to “take a look.” If you buy, he gets a kickback, er.. commission. Eventually this exuberant man will return you to the palace where you will pay an outlandish fare, only to discover the palace was not in fact close to tourists at all.

While in Bangkok speak to no one. Communicate only in sign language. Learning a few key phrases in Icelandic might be helpful to throw off the keen and determined touts. Staying mute will keep more money in your wallet, and help make the most of the 12-hours you have.

Chakri Mahaprasat, or the Grand Palace Hall is the largest of the palace buildings and was built by a British architect in the late 1800s. Borombhiman Hall, at the palace’s eastern end, is occasionally used to house VIPs and dignitaries. A Thai general used this hall as a headquarters during one of Thailand’s many coups. Wander with thousands of other tourists and Thais around the splendid structure. Try not to think about the garrison of soldiers and the assault rifles they hold.

Wat Phra Kaew is part of the palace. A wat, for the uneducated, is a Buddhist temple area. They cover Bangkok’s landscape like acne on a teenage face. Wat Phra Kaew, like all wats, features relics, colorful buildings, murals and stunning architecture. There’s significance to each, but you only have 12-hours, don’t try to learn centuries of history.

South of the palace complex is Wat Pho. It the oldest religious structure in Bangkok, and looks the same as all the others. You could spend hours traipsing from wat to wat, but seeing one is the same as seeing them all. Wat Pho contains a massage school. If you didn’t have your body assaulted in the Khao San area (with your good taste and vision) give it a try here. The students charge more than smaller massage parlors, but, like students everywhere, they need to make a buck.

Head west from Wat Pho onto Thanon Maharat. Head north and look in the small shops and market area. Partake of freshly-squeezed orange juice or a plate of Pad Thai cooked by a smiley but slightly sinister looking stall owner. The river Mae Nam Chao Phraya will be on your left as you head north. Bangkok was once known as the Venice of the East. Like Venice’s canals, the river is pungent and better read about than experienced.

Heading north will return you to Khao San area. From there transportation in the form of bus or taxi can be arranged to the airport. North to the jungles or south to the beaches, both offer more enjoyable opportunities than Bangkok.

If you followed the above tips you may have enough money left to get to the airport and enjoy the next leg of your journey.